anonymous (24), Autism, Knox County
"...actually receiving what I want, what I’ve asked for. It’s all the difference in the world.
It’s been great the last couple of months. I feel it coming. I feel like I’m about to break through. This thing, this one object has opened up so much for me. My OCD doesn’t control me. Not as much anyway. There are times I’ll sit and work and it’s like
the obsessions are flowing out of me into the device. There’s a stream of obsessive energy flowing out of me and it is bliss.
People are working me. Hard. Sometimes too hard. Sometimes I need a break from their demands. I don’t even understand why they’re asking me to do these things anyway. But they say, “What’s your name?” and I go through the motions they’ve taught me to get
the answer. I do it and they seem so happy. And it makes me happy. They say, “What do you want to drink?” and I can finally tell them. No just going and getting a cup and accepting whatever they think I want. But actually receiving what I want, what I’ve asked
for. It’s all the difference in the world.
I smile more now. I giggle when I get to play, especially when others play with me. I’m asking for attention now, more than ever before. I didn’t realize I wanted so much before. Because I can ask for it, the attention, without them getting frustrated, and
in turn I don’t. Because now, after 24 years, I can communicate. And I’m breaking through.